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From Hesitation to Mastery: How Frayed Entered the Kink Scene
This episode of The Sassy Show we’re diving into the world of shibari with Frayed Knots—a rigger, performer, and all-round sass pot with a wealth of experience in the kink community. But this conversation isn’t just about rope. It’s about queerness, masculinity, risk, and the responsibility we all have in creating safer, more inclusive spaces.
Frayed Knots speaks candidly with host Bethany about what it’s like to navigate the kink scene as a cis man, how queer spaces have shaped him, and why being accountable for your actions is far more important than fearing ‘cancel culture.’ Reminding us that "mistakes happen—but it’s how you handle them that matters." Watch, listen, read to learn more.
For Frayed Knots, rope was the unexpected key that unlocked a world of self-discovery. "I found rope really hot and sexy at first, but the more I did it, the more it became about something else," he shares. What started as sensual play transformed into an artistic pursuit—one that required technical precision, risk awareness, and a deep understanding of trust. But stepping into the kink world wasn’t instant or easy. Like many cis men entering the scene, Frayed experienced both privilege and challenge. “At first, I didn’t know how to navigate these spaces. There’s a lot to learn about how to show up in a way that makes people feel safe. And that learning curve is important.”
I realized I didn’t have to perform masculinity in a rigid way. It was freeing.
One of the most profound shifts in Frayed Knot’s journey has been his evolving relationship with masculinity and queerness. “When I started in kink, I would have described myself as aggressively straight, top-leaning, and very much fitting into a traditional idea of masculinity,” he admits. “But being in these spaces—meeting queer folks, seeing different ways of being—I realized I didn’t have to perform masculinity in a rigid way. It was freeing.”
He reflects on the power of finding a queer community that embraces fluidity and self-expression. “It makes my life feel a lot more whole. I don’t have to censor parts of myself.”
Shibari isn’t just about aesthetics for Frayed Knots—it’s about responsibility. “Rope is one of the more dangerous kinks, even though people see it as pretty mainstream now,” he explains. “Nerve damage, circulation issues—things can go wrong fast.” His approach has evolved over time. What was once an intense, near-daily practice has become something more intentional. “I used to tie three times a week, pushing myself to perfect certain ties. Now, it’s about connection. I tie less often, but with more intent.”
I used to tie three times a week, pushing myself to perfect certain ties. Now, it’s about connection. I tie less often, but with more intent.
That shift has made him more selective about partners. “When I was newer, I’d tie anyone who asked. Now, I need to feel a deeper connection to make it meaningful.” He also acknowledges the work involved in being a cis man in the scene. “There’s a valid skepticism around single men entering kink spaces. You have to earn trust, show you understand boundaries, and be self-aware.”
When I was newer, I’d tie anyone who asked. Now, I need to feel a deeper connection to make it meaningful.
When asked what advice he’d give to his younger self, Frayed is clear: “Don’t try to fit in. Just because you find a kinky group doesn’t mean they’re your people.”
The kink community is vast, with different cliques, dynamics, and approaches. “It takes time to find people who align with your energy. And that’s okay. You’ll get there.”
He also stresses the importance of talking about mistakes. “Everyone screws up at some point. The key is taking accountability and learning from it. We need more open conversations about when scenes go wrong.”
Frayed Knot’s journey is far from over. Whether it’s pushing himself artistically with rope, exploring new kinks (he cheekily mentions a growing interest in fisting), or advocating for a more inclusive media landscape, he’s constantly evolving. His advice to anyone stepping into kink? “Learn, listen, and take your time.” And most importantly? “Find the people who let you be yourself. That’s where the magic happens.”
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