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How wearing so little can cost so much
Written by Bethany Burgoyne, first published for The Sassy Show newsletter - sign up here
Money and kink wear: These are the two themes of today sassy post. The cost of embracing a kinky lifestyle. Because from the outside it can seem like a glamourous, shiny latex covered world where magic happens and dreams are fulfilled. And tho this can be the reality, what often gets over looked is the amount of money and emotional stamina that go into these experiences.
When I first dipped my toes into the curious corner of kink, I was shocked by the cost of tickets, the secrecy of events and the difficulty of navigating online spaces in attempts to meet and greet like minded folks. There seemed to be expectations to come dressed in attire that I did not own and to be knowledgeable about certain conduct of behaviour that was alien to me. Everything felt distant and tricky to access and understand.
Over time, thanks to the help and support of a kinky friend, I followed a road map showing me how to navigate the scene and style myself in ways that suited me (on a shoestring budget).
Let’s look at the cost of kink and how to hack your way into dressing up your sassy side.
Now that I work in events, I understand the importance of strict outfit and etiquette protocol - it helps protect everyone inside the party to feel free, respected and on the same level playing field to… well, play. But back when I started, the outfits and the knowledge didn’t feel accessible or easy to obtain.
The role fashion plays in the kink scene is something that, for some people, is the be all and end all. They may be completely disinterested in engaging in any sort of sexy/intimate activity. Instead, they are deeply yearning to wear head to toe latex or dress up as a kinky kitty and flash their ass throughout an event. Being in a space where that is not only respected but also praised and supported can be a game changer for people. Perhaps your kinky side looks like wearing a pair of heels, donning a wig and showing off your favourite strap on - the kink scene is the place where that is welcomed. However, for others, the need to dress up to be allowed access to a party puts a financial and emotional strain on them. It makes something feel exclusive in an economically unfair way or puts pressure on an individual to conform to certain “beauty standards”.
Recognising how dressing up in kink gear can take both courage and pocket money is something I lived through
Recognising how dressing up in kink gear can take both courage and pocket money is something I lived through. Since being on the scene and talking with fellow kinky friends, they’ve often shared their own frustrations about limited sizes, colour choices or finding outfits that are more gender neutral. There’s the cost of finding ethically made or vegan products that adds additional zero’s to the receipt. And it can take time to work out what feels right for you.
Personally I struggled both with not having pots of money to spend on pretty lingerie or kink gear, as well as not being sure about what looked sexy. I didn’t wear underwear at all from the age of 26 - 31 so it felt completely out of my comfort zone to start wearing bras and garter belts. I internally judged myself for any attempts at looking sexy fearing that I was neither glamorously stylish nor presentably kinky. I hated underwire and the feeling of thongs. Tbh I felt put off by the idea of trying all together.
After talking to a kinky friend about this and hearing them resonate about experiencing similar emotional and financial barriers, they encouraged me to get creative
But after talking to a kinky friend about this and hearing them resonate about experiencing similar emotional and financial barriers, they encouraged me to get creative. I decided stretchy and unwired was my comfort zone. I found old pieces of material and wrapped them around my waist and my neck to create a two piece of sassy fabric. I would borrow items from friends, heels from my sister and a pair of gloves from the local theatre and make do with what I found in the back of my cupboard. I starting sticking together feathers and utilising Poundland like never before. I keep my eye out for things in charity shops and I welcome hand-me-downs like never before.
My biggest advice to anyone who is feeling held back from exploring their sass because they think they don’t “look” sexy/hot/attractive enough is to go window shopping. Use and abuse the dressing room, try on friends outfits, research and have fun playing with the limitless possibilities of what makes your feel kinky/sexy/sassy!
Use and abuse the dressing room, try on friends outfits, research and have fun playing with the limitless possibilities of what makes your feel kinky/sexy/sassy!
Try with all your might not to compare yourself to others and let the sale section be your best friend! Chop old clothes up and pin them together, add a shit tone of glitter, wear the torn up fishnets and get creative with confidence honeys.
As I write this I get a message from the founder of Pinky Promise (a fabulous festive event of sensual kinkyness) asking me to dance at their next event. He tells me I’ll need “a variety of flamboyant costumes!”. I look at my wardrobe and see nothing staring back at me. Guess it’s time I swallow my own medicine again friends and get crafting!
Fancy sharing your sassy style with me? Send a message, hit me up on IG with a little snap or tag me @bxsassy2 in your posts so I can see what wonder you’ve got going on.
Written by Bethany Burgoyne, first published for The Sassy Show newsletter - sign up here
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